Shaking out the roots

A lot of this weekend was spent taking care of our home, rearranging and caring for my plants. A couple weeks back I received a bunch of nice planters and pots from a friend and hadn't had a chance to switch my plants around because it takes a lot of time. The rearranging, watering, soaking and draining are all time consuming, labor intensive, thought provoking and heavy. With plants, the time you spend caring for them by watering or by pruning the leaves, can mean the difference between a healthy prospering plant and a plant you have to pitch because of fungi or improper draining. This weekend was also spent in my feelings and going through the emotions of yearning to be a part of someones life and then having to accept when I'm not welcome. I also had to face some bitterness, entitlement and a whole slew of other feelings while trying to be present with my husband and kids. That all lead to more working out or running with a myriad of music choices (thanks teenage years) but it also laid the groundwork for what my fast will be about. My church holds a worldwide fast between all of our locations, beginning the second week of January, every year. This happens much to my disenchantment since the fast usually involves removal of food and the second week is my birthday week, the time to indulge after a few months of indulging. With new healthy lifestyle choices and intentional eating, I didn't see food as something I should fast. With the blog and keeping up on Social Media as a form of (unpaid lol) employment and tv being a comfort as I work into the wee house of the night in preparation for the etsy store, I had to have something else to focus on. The one thing I love more than anything, even more than myself, is sleep. So, from now on I will wake at 5-5:30 and get in the word. I want to keep this up after the fast but this is a great place to start where there is more riding on it than my ego. This is my intentional time with God. This is what a fast is supposed to be anyway so it really is perfect. Unlike me.

As I sat with my husband, after working out and after working through some of my thoughts, I glanced at a plant I was in the process of repotting. My Alocasia AKA Alexandria "Alocasia" Cortez, had just been split into two. One part of the plant was potted and set up in it's new space but the other was in a holding space waiting for it's new pot and soil, bare rooted. When I saw that plant just put aside I told my husband it felt like God was "just shaking out the roots again", in my life. He liked my analogy and so I thought I'd share it. It's like again with the refining and again with the shaking out the roots but just like plants, we sometimes need to have a complete upheaval for us to get to a healthier place. It would have been fine if I left AOC in its original pot but overtime it's root system would've become overcrowded. While re-potting I had to upgrade the space and make a new blend of soil. I added food (the Word of God), vitamins (application and prayer), orchid bark (community and friendships) and premium soil (good church home) for my new plant. I have a new home for it and it will receive sunlight (wisdom) in a different part of my house. It won't be fighting for space and it can grow, receive water steadily and not fight for nutrients because there would be nothing to fight against. Imagine a healthy giant alocasia! Thriving. Taking root and shooting out new leaves and really just growing to it's full potential. Through working on the ever upending root revealing where I'm struggling, what I haven't forgiven and even what I just legit avoid, this was a gentle reminder that God was always planning away, well before I was aware of my own issues. He's allowed me to see small glimpses of my hurt these past weeks and even recently put it in my heart to reconcile, should it be His will. And if reconciliation is out, I have to at the very least learn acceptance and forgiveness.

While splitting the plant in two I found some cool little bulbs in the soil, which, as a plant mom and now a plant grandma, I'm stoked about but that's for another post. If I had not removed AOC from it's original planter, I wouldn't have known about all the bulbs or if you want to be all Christainy about it, all the gifts. I wouldn't know about the roots and the kind of shape they were in and I wouldn't expect much more growth due to limited space. I would even anticipate some root rot because the soil would be too compact with all the roots and it would start to die from nutrient starvation (bitterness/sin). I would expect AOC not to grow. In life, there are so many things to tie that in to. It all starts at the roots. One thing I found to be H-I-L-A-R-O-U-S (and I hope you feel and hear my sarcasm) is the fact that all of these emotions came to a head just the day before our fast was starting. I was driving when I had an epiphany that involved me making a cry face and saying to myself "of course this came up before the fast". He's been working at this old pot of soil since May when these issues first made themselves known. I can see things for what they are but I still wasn't sure what my focus for the fast was. God sure knew what my heart needed to heal from and I'm grateful for His provision and comfort because it's probably going to hurt like hell. It always looks like pain and healing at the same time for me and I'll tell you something, I'm really scared of what I'm going to be working through. But I do find comfort in

Psalm 27:13-14 I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.

Isaiah 41:10 Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.

And my favorite scripture of all time:

Romans 12:12 Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.

Sometimes a sprinkling of water can really start the process of growth.

Renee