Balance

I drank water today. Not a big deal for some but kind of a big deal to me since I've been working on trying to be healthy. I filled a giant pitcher I won from a White Elephant exchange with some water and cucumber. I also had a cup of coffee. I ate breakfast and lunch and I'm about to make dinner. I got my child to school on time, I worked out for 45 minutes and played with my children when we got home. I made a heavy lunch and cut some fruit and sliced cheese for their plates. When they stole cheese I didn't get angry. I did take the block out of my daughter's hand when she tried to run away with it though. I read them 2 books, kept the phone off and studied who they are. The tv has been off all day. I listened to some music, listened to some Snap Judgement and washed all the dishes while doing a load of laundry. I doubt I can keep this up but it was such a good day. It's late afternoon and I think I'll have another cup of coffee and start working on the items for the etsy shop. I'm also in Brittney Hennessey's Business Planning Course and have been thinking about the homework. It's so weird to consider how I'm going to pursue blogging. Sure the idea was always to make some money but I really just wanted to cover the cost of the website and my email plan. And maybe I wanted to cover a cup of coffee if I were to work in a coffee shop at some point. I never thought about how I could monetize because I still don't really want to. I do, however, want more people to read what I'm writing. I want to write for people who need to hear honesty and to see what life is like when working through an anxious or depressed moment. I see people, famous people. doing all the cool things I want to do. I want to do those things without selling my soul or integrity. I just want to be honest about it all. Everything. Where I stand on all issues, where I faltered as a parent and wife, how I mess up all the time. I have this on going joke with my friends about how much I am a mess that if I had met most of my dear dear friends at a different part of our lives, when they were bringing their A game and I was just me, that they, would in fact, hate me. I'd annoy the hell out of them. Thank God I tricked them in to loving me before they really knew me! I'm usually late and forget stuff. I'm not always organized unless I'm hyper organized. I just don't put that kind of pressure on my life sometimes and all of my friends have their lives together in a way that their distractions are in check. I will say, I do feel really bad about being late. I'm working on being on time and being a responsible adult. I'm learning to do that now. I finally feel like this is a good place to start.

Also, I went to the Dr. everything is cool, but I went. That's a whole thing in itself.

I have these ideas about what I want to do with the blog. I figured that 2020 could be the year I work really hard to see if I'm cut out for this. I doubt that I would ever quit but I'd like to do more than have 4 readers. Not for the ego but more because I want to share things I've learned with new people. I realize now, after being immersed in busyness and then stripping it away that I can't face going back to that life from before. I've learned a lot. So much about how the busyness distracts, steals, consumes and then destroys. So without further ado, this year will be focused on balance. I think a bunch of people talk about their word of they year right about now and the one that I keep hearing in my head is Balance. Years of overwhelming busyness and underwhelming stillness has brought about a yearning for balance. I want all of the good with the ability to handle the bad. I don't want to be overwhelmed like all the years of my adult life but I don't want that complete empty schedule like I had last year. So, now with the kids a little older, with me being a halfhearted blogger last year and learning a little bit more about everything, it's a good time to try a work, social, parent, life, Christian, Women's leadership gal, health, mental health wellness, Montessori, hustler, artist, small business owner - balance. Also, other words I liked for this year were Jubilation and Hustler. The word Jubilation because I'm stoked for this year of hard work and growth inwardly and outwardly. The word Hustler because it's who I want to be and it's who I am. My friends husband once told me "you... always have some kind of hustle going on..." He wasn't wrong. He also said that my constant mind changing was great and that I should open an Etsy shop to encourage all the creativity and then sell it all one piece at a time. If I get board, just move on to the next thing. It doesn't matter if the store is mixed because it will all sell anyway and it will keep me busy. So, that's another thing that will be up soon. The hard goal is for February. I'll see what I can get done. At the moment, I don't even want to get up to make dinner. And I already know what I'm making!

So aside from that word thing, here are some other things I've been thinking about. I think I've been quietly and privately planning. Allowing the thoughts an opportunity to sink in a bit so I know truly what I want and don't want. And allowing myself to be okay if I choose not to pursue something or just do a complete about face. So for the site itself, I've been working on it here and there. I didn't do many posts last year so this year, I want to do a post every day Monday - Friday. I don't want banners all over and I don't want to send out a newsletter. I don't even know why people have newsletters. I want to share recipes, heart knowledge and biblical wisdom with a splash of Renee humor. I want to share about my budget, what it's like to hustle, what it's like to always have a side gig going on, and how people can pull themselves out of debt. I want to share about how taking a year off from all parties changed me and my family in a way that only silence can. I also want to share about products I love, like and don't care for in an honest and unbiased way. I want to show people how a product should work and how it did work for me during a year process. And then revisit all it did or didn't do. I have a goal this year to write a blog post every single day. I know I said that already but if I keep saying it, I think I'll do it. Balance. Balance and tricking myself into doing things. But mostly, Balance.

Renee

Tags: #honesty #blogging #balance #prioritizing #ministry #honestandunbiased #silence #wisdom #sahm #writer #Chicago #Christianity