PSA

I've learned a lot about parenting with back to back children and even more from the one that has different needs. I call my son wild. That's the word I use most to describe him. He's sweet, funny and very likely the reason why I currently have hearing issues. He's my PTSD, my anxiety and my full full heart. I think delayed and coddled best describe what we have on our hands. He has speech issues and his emotions can go from zero to sixty in less than a minute. For a while, we were too distracted to notice he wasn't meeting his milestones. We didn't do our best because we were overwhelmed with illness in the family, keeping up with our eldest and middle child and working through a pregnancy that made me feel incredibly ill. When we finally realized something was going on, we pushed ourselves into therapy 4 times a week and it took over our lives. When we saw improvements we were so happy that we gave in to anything he asked for, so long as he used his words. Now, 2 years later, we're kicking ourselves as we work through that toddler tantrum behavior issue we created. He still has some issues with sensory sensitivity and probably needs some more speech and occupational therapy. I'll be the first to admit that there are days I'm not doing my best. Mostly, I get by trying to do half of my best and teeter out around a quarter of the way. Some of it is the wearing my soul has gone though but some of it really is just us being unorganized and not having the endurance to push thorough to do better. I don't do all the things I want to do with him but there are days that are more successful than others. If you have a child with sleep issues, eating issues, sensory issues, emotional issues, physical issues, I know you get it. This post is not for my friends who are in the throes with me. The ones who agonize over every decision they make and if they made the best decision or ruined their child's' future. This post is for the people who have wonderful, easy children. This post is for the people who are empty nesters and raised sweet children who always minded their manners and respected their elders. This post is for the commentators at the grocery store and the gym. I want to share some information with you.

1. If you don't know why my child is screaming, it's okay to ignore us.

Chances are you and I don't know each other, neither of us knows how to stop the screaming and any side comment will make it worse. I've heard, and this isn't a generalization - this is a fact, men make comments as they pass us by when my son is in the middle of a scream fest. I think some people are trying to joke and lighten the mood but for a stressful situation where everything is out of control, a simple comment about "the lungs on that kid" or how "someone needs a nap" aren't helpful. In fact, they feel like judgement to me and are grabbing his attention and essentially adding more fuel to the raging wild fire.

2. If you think I look overwhelmed, I probably am. Just be careful how you mention it. Or you know, mind your business and don't say anything to me at all.

You'd think people would know this one but I need to say this because I've heard people tell me that I look tired or, and this is a favorite, that I really have my hands full. There was only ever one time when someone stepped in and assisted and made it better. It was morning and we had just moved to the new neighborhood and I was visiting a new store. The cashier was all of 20 years old but must've been sent from God because he saw me trying to add groceries to the conveyor belt with screaming kids and was able to calm the kids with a sheet of "PAID" stickers. I was clearly overwhelmed but when he intervened, he was polite and soooo not judging me. I could've kissed that kid that morning for getting them to calm down. There was something about the grumpy faces behind me that made me felt ultra judged. I didn't want to cause more of a scene so I initially said no to his stickers. When he insisted, gently, I said "okay, we'll see if it works" and it did. If it weren't for that moment, I probably would've never gone to a store again.

3. I do have 2 babies. They are back to back. No, you don't need to know their names, you're a stranger.

I don't feel bad about hurting a strangers feelings because you are a stranger. You don't need to know their ages, names, blood type or shoe size. I don't know you. If I feel like you're threatening, I'll give you the dirtiest look while looking for ways to put distance between us and find a safe person to help me. I will also fight you. I've gotten into tiffs with people and have been harsh with people who really didn't

mean harm because, if I'm alone and shopping, I'm keeping my guard up. Please don't take offense or do. I don't care. My concern is about my children and unless we know each other, I'll probably never see you again and you really don't need their information. And you're not entitled to it. Thank you for thinking their cute. They certainly are.

4. This brings me to my next point. Maybe this should be a subpoint? DO NOT TOUCH MY CHILDREN.

If you're worried about Ojo, you may ask to touch my kids hair or hand but really Ojo doesn't exist and my children are under the Lord so please don't worry. Don't come up and touch a random kid you don't know. That'll get ya cut. I mean that in a nice way but really, I'll cut you.

I hope this didn't come off harsh. I hope you understand that I wrote this out of love for my children, concern for their safety and as a way to share information about our family. I think this went on a rules tangent, when I was really trying to explain that my son will sometimes scream because he's tired, hungry or I say the word no. He can't always articulate his feelings and when there is a flood of emotion, it's just easier if I, his mother, take care of him. I do worry about what people think of me sometimes. I think people think I'm incompetent and don't know how to keep my kids in line. I grew up in a different generation and sometimes, I run into people from that older generation who think a little stern talking to or a pat on the butt is going to fix it. It's not. That's not what this is. Sometimes, I respond to those men who are making comments and say "Oh Ev, I'm so sorry you're not feeling well, you're a good boy, I love you" very, very audibly. Or sometimes, I over explain when someone makes a comment. I feel like I do that more than I should. I laugh along nervously and say "yeah, he had a really hard night, he's so tired and he's been sick and...", Someone once called my child naughty and it would seem that way if you didn't understand that he's not screaming because he didn't get his way but because he is overwhelmed emotionally. That comment came from a young girl who really didn't know any better. She thought she had the right to call my child a name. She thought my child was bad. It hurt my mom heart. But with all of that, I still contend that people need information. If more people knew that ALL kids are different and sometimes it's related to a disability or illness, then they might have more compassion. I also think some people don't know how to be around children and that's okay. I get it, I don't want to be in a restaurant with screaming children either. I also want to leave when my kid is freaking out but I may not. And I have that right. Just like you have the right to leave from your seat. I'd just prefer if you showed a little more compassion, even if you're annoyed because you may not know that he didn't sleep or even hit REM for 3 years of his life. All of these things are shared to give a snippet of what we deal with every time we leave the house. We don't need anything more than a quick prayer if you see us falling apart. And I would greatly appreciate those prayers.